It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
