how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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