a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
