i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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