so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My balls are so social today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
