Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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