What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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