i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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