Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
