i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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