remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
