I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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