I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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