so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
