its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
