guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
