Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
