I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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