he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
