i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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