Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We have started to decorate penises.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
