I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
