time to smoke my breakfast
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
