Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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