saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
