Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
