i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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