I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
