dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
