i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just threw up on my dentist
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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