just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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