the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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