don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
