i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
