also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
