Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
