I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
