Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
