Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
