I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
