I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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