I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
