I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
