giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
