bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
