Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
