...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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