she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
