I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
