I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
