I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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