i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
