there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
