Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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