Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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